I’m sorry but thats simply it. If all gays would be like you, I guess a gay like me would already have been killed. fortunately not every homo is a coward and .. good news.. you dont need to keep on beeing one as well. coming out is not easy. sometimes it can bring hurtful reactions. it can even beeing dangerous. and a coming out never stops. I have to do it again every time I met new people. and there are people, strangers, working partners, police man, whatever that sometimes scares the shit out of me. there is no way of getting used to it for me. But what this world needs is courage. how should a society learn about courage and freedom if we dont even have it for ourselfs. and how should they learn if nobody teaches them.” continue reading
That was a comment to the post “Why not coming out?” And I wanted respond to you, Gina, in a post.
I’m aware of that the only thing that keeps me away from anything is me. That I’m deliberately, maybe cowardly, choosing an easier path right now.
As I understood, I’m supposedly harming the LGBT community by being in a closet. I’m not denying that, but I not willing to sacrifice myself for that either, sorry I’m just a human being who wants to be happy and is trying not to harm himself on the way, as much as it’s possible.
And I just know that right now I’m not ready to be out. Propably because I have nothing and nobody to fight for, nothing seems to be awaiting me once I come out. I’m not strictly worried about “hurtful reactions” as you put it, I’ve been exposed to those since birth as an immigrant, in the country where I live. My environment seems to be pretty open and understanding. But I guess the biggest thing is the family, that’s something more than just a “hurtful reactions”.
But I need to say that i’m not talking about my sexual orientation with people at all. People just assume though I never say anything to anybody about anything. Actually often I’m not even really hiding my attraction to women among some friends. Propably if they’d ask I’d tell them I’m attracted to women.
Most importantly I’m not this kind of closeted hypocrite or the one that shies away from the topic.
On the contrary, I’m known as a very liberal person, who is very much supporting LGBT community and is into the gender and feminist subject, going to specific places and events. I publicly despise homophobics, I publicly support LGBT and freely talk about it with people, online as well as offline. I constantly find myself in a middle of argument about homosexual’s right to have children, not believing how people could be so pretending to be tolerant but in fact be such a narrow minded homophobes. Propably some of them seeing how I talk, seeing my interests and places I go, propably assume that I’m gay. And that’s the other side of people’s assumptions. Which I will most likely not deny to some. As long as it’d NOT be someone from family.
But still, part of me is very strongly idealistic, my worldviews and beliefs are something that I’m gonna fight for. I can deny being something/someone but I will not be denying my ideals and values ever.
I’m really happy for you, Gina, that you’ve found somebody to share your life with. But maybe you forgot how life could look like on the other side. You do have something to fight for and you are out just for yourself and your other half, not for other people. You’re selfishly doing it for yourself, to be happy with the person you love. And it’s perfectly normal. And it’s good, even perfect that people could start to understand that along with your choice. But we still do everything for ourselves.
But you’re right, I cannot decide for them how they think about me and let them think by themselves. But that is a change that I must prepare myself for it. For my own sake. Thanks.